A New Direction

It’s been quite a while since I’ve updated on here. A lot has happened in the past few months. I’ve been through relationship trouble, read a few good books, written on one of my stories some, moved again, and thought about how this blog was doing. Nobody cared that I was gone, so I’m going to change the direction of this blog.

I want to still have it up as writing help, but this is going to be where I put my book reviews as well as continuing to have it as my draft review area. I’m going to be using my new blog as a real blog. Anyway, I must be off for now. I’ll update more later when I have more time.

The Heart Of A Cheater

I can’t believe what I’ve done. After all we’ve been through, after our years of marriage, our three children, our dedication to each other, I cheated on you. I hurt you, and I’ve ruined all that we are, all the we could have been. I was selfish, and now our lives are ruined. I can’t be trusted anymore. I can’t be seen the same way again.

I’m sorry. I’ll go. I don’t want to hurt you again. I can’t possibly understand how you feel right now, the pain, the suffering that you must be going through right now. Are you hurting still? I’m sorry. Why can’t I just get out of your head? You still love me even though I did this to you? No. I’m not worth your love, but I can’t leave you. I’m sure to do it again, but I’ll do all I can to avoid it.
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Don’t ask. I’ve been going through a lot lately. My mind’s been going so back and forth on things and this is where it ended up. Obviously, this isn’t about me, since I’m not married, I don’t have any kids, and I really don’t have it in me to do something like this. If I did, I’d have gone insane shortly after doing it and everyone would know about it. This is where my mind went…I don’t know why, and right now all I really want to do is hold the one I love and kiss her until I feel like myself again.

Life In Short (Poem For A Cancer Patient)

As the title wave of life passes us by, we must think on what is really important to us. It’s not about what the big things are, but what means the most. Can we push on when we’re unsure of how to go, or is it too much to push through? That’s for us to decide. Nobody can tell us how to live, but in our short time our lives are shown to those around us. Be it online or in person, those who know us best see us for what we truly are. We’ve had so much to live for, so much strife to push aside, yet as the time counts down to the end, what have we done? Who have we helped? Where have we drawn the line? Today isn’t meant to be shown. It’s meant to be lived, and as we move on, we learn how to live. It’s not about what we do. It’s about what we take from life. It’s not about being alive. It’s about living. As we fade away, no matter how young or old we are, there’s somebody out there who was affected by what we did, what we said, how we lived, and what we thought was important. Death isn’t a fact of life. It’s the goal. Life isn’t about the destination. It’s about the journey. Lets take one together. As friends, as family, as the human race. Lets just go and see how far we can go until we’re forced to no longer go again. Lets see who we can affect and how much we can bring to the race as a whole.

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This poem was written by a good friend of mine. She’s currently dealing with cancer, but her birthday is coming soon. I thought it’d be appropriate to show her that her journey won’t be wasted even if it ends. Her treatment is going well, but if you can, I urge you to do something for Christina based around the journey of life and send it to her or to me to send to her if you don’t want to make a deviantart account.

Writing Setbacks

In everything out there, there are those who have the ability to do it, and those who don’t. Take gymnastics for example. Someone who’s missing limbs can’t really do things such as pole vaulting, so they don’t have the ability to do it, yet there are people who are missing limbs who are able to do it wonderfully.

I’m not supposed to be able to read, let alone write. I have ADHD, and as a whole, people who had it, aren’t able to sit down and read. I also have dyslexia, which means at times, I mix my letters and numbers up a lot. That’s the main reason I hated math in high school. Long numbers that I had to stare at, write down, and work with…bleh. Now, as a writer, I don’t have problems getting my stories out, yet I still have problems when I’m in a lull. I can’t write at times. My mind starts to wander even when there’s nothing for it to wander to.

Even with these troubles, I still go on to write. It may take me longer than most people, but I’ve proven that I can push myself hard enough to do things I never thought I could. I did NaNoWriMo. It almost cost me a few close relationships, but thankfully, those I love didn’t leave me when I was being an ass last November. It all paid off when I finished it. I’ve gone a long way in the months since, and I’m learning more with each day. I really should get back to posting on here, but working about 30 hours a week, working on scripts for my comics, trying to start edits on Daughter of Darkness, and keeping up with the great people in my life doesn’t leave a whole lot of time for blogging. I will try to get one update done a week.

Anyway, the point of this all is to explain that even with setbacks that make it nearly impossible to something, people will still do as they please. It’s not the setbacks that make it impossible. It’s all about how dedicated you are to it. If you’re willing to push through the impossible, even the sky isn’t a limit. There are exceptions to the exception though, but that’s life.

Winds Of Change

A few people have asked me what Winds Of Change is about, what inspired me to do a story about the relationship between a Dari slave and her new human master. Well, in all honestly, I’ve done lots of roleplays about slavery with my closest and dearest friend. She was the first person to get me into doing stories around topics that aren’t really talked about in reality. Her and I have talked and roleplayed about slavery, politics, religion, and many other topics that quite a few people would rather force down your throat or avoid completely.

She forced me to think outside of the box, to do things that I was taught to never think up, and guess what. They made me think even more. I owe EVERYTHING to her, and to be honest, I doubt I’d be where I am today without the support that I’ve gotten from her.

Back on topic, man I get sidetracked a lot. Anyway, Winds Of Change has no real grounding on my real life. It’s not a satirical look at my past of my decisions. Rahi isn’t me in any way, shape, or form. Him and I are bound to agree on things, but he is not my platform. Neither is Vridna. Her name is simply the Dari form of Veronica. It was also influenced by Minda from The Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess. Yes, I’m a geek, and I love it.

The personalities of the characters are based around aspects of the characters from the RPs that my friend and I have done over the years. I haven’t decided if I want to actually put anyone who’s exactly like any of those characters, but I got sidetracked again for a moment.

Winds Of Change is my dedication to my friend. That being said, the first of each book that is ever produced goes to her. It will be signed by me. I’d say that it’d be signed by the artist as well, but that would mean making her wait for it to ship from her to Estonia and back, and I don’t really want her to wait for each book while other people are getting them before the artist even has her book. Winds Of Change is one of my biggest projects, and it brings together over three years of stories on top of being the deepest story I’ve ever thought of.

Also, for anyone who likes symbolism, this entry was completed a few days ago. I thought I’d have it go up at the same time I started my job. ^^ Anyway, I’ll leave you all with this. Always remember those you’ve talked to, those who’ve made an impact on you the most, and those who’ve truly cared about you. They’re your greatest asset as writers and as people.

Dramatic Writing

There are times as a writer that you will undoubtedly be wrapped up in your writing that you forget about it being just a story you’re creating, instead of something that’s actually happening. It’s hard to go through and keep on working when you feel all those emotions bearing down on you.

That’s part of what I’ve been going through lately. It’s more than just that though. I’ve been dealing with my own stuff as well. Hard home life, no job for almost two months, and bills to worry about coming through. The ONLY thing I’ve been able to rely on for the most part is my love life.

That being said, it’s getting harder and harder to just think up what to write on my books. I thought I was just going to take a short break, but if I can’t get past all of this, I’m not sure how long it’s actually going to take for me to dedicate myself to an actual story. I have a long way to go before I’m able to get past this. I’m very thankful for those who understand that I’m going through a bit of stress. No. I’m not the most stressed out person in the world. I do know people who have it worse than I do. I’m very close with one of them. What I’m saying is that I’m not going to force myself to do more than I can handle.

If you want to have anything new from me, check out my webcomic profile.

This Stupid Thing Called Love: The Result

I looked down in horror at what I had done. My best friend was laying on the ground in a bloody mess. I shivered softly and looked down at her blood stained body. Tears fell down my cheeks, but I wasn’t ready to let her die.
I don’t know what came over me. I tried to think back to what had happened before I had attacked her. Nothing came. Did I really just lose it on my best friend? What was going on? Why? Why did I do it?
A few minutes later I finally made it to the emergency room. When the doctor asked me what happened, I looked down and slowly shook my head. “I don’t know,” I half-lied. I wasn’t even sure what I had done to her. I wished that I could remember. I’ve never blacked out before.

After the doctor took her away, I sighed and sat down in a chair so i could try to think things through. The last thing I remember was hugging her. She said that she had good news for me, and the next thing I know, I was pulling my fist away from her.
What did she want to tell me? Why is this so hard to wrap my mind around? I hurt her. I almost killed my best friend, the one person I’ve ever lo…No.

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This may or may not be what I was talking about in my previous blog update. I have one or two other stories floating in my head right now. This is the one that I’ve decided to showcase on here. It’s the one I’ve put more thought into, and it’s also the one with the most dramatic start. This is not the true beginning to the story. It starts near the end of the tale and works back around so that everything makes sense.